


The Guy Who Didn't Like Romantic Comedies

by LocalLibraryGremlin



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Coffee Shops, Everybody Lives, F/F, F/M, Happy Ending, Henry has issues, M/M, Making Out, also mentions of scientific accidents, but like very little, charlotte is in a bad relationship but we fix it, dab and teens scheming, deb wants to impress bill, henry and ted accidently start a relationship, its pretty much a rom com dont worry, lotta gay love, mentions of abuse, paul and emma are cute
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2020-08-23 05:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20237233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LocalLibraryGremlin/pseuds/LocalLibraryGremlin
Summary: An alternate universe where the meteor never hit and no one died. Featuring, Paul and Emma falling in love, Emma dealing with dumbass coworkers, Charlotte dumping Ted, Melissa being badass, Ted decreasing his assholeness, Bill being a joy and learning to trust Deb, Deb trying to earn Bill's trust, Alice living with her dad, Henry attempting to overcome trauma and find love, teenage shenanigans, and so much coffee.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> yeet yeet i have two (2) unifinished stories and heres another one.

The Smoke Club, plus Oliver, had gathered at Beanies, and they where just waiting on Deb. The coffee shop smelled, shockingly, like coffee and creamer. Emma, the local exhausted barista, was trying to make coffee for people, and not punch infuriating customers. Nora was trying to hide the fact that she had romantic feelings for Zoey. Paul Matthews was down the street, walking to the shop and wondering if today was the day that he finally asked the cute barista out. Deb was also walking to the coffee shop, thinking about Alice. Henry Hidgens was going to the coffee shop so that his favourite student would stop worrying, and he tried not to think about his past too much.

Deb was the first to enter the shop. She immediately noticed the Smoke Club, because Danny was being loud and Grace was trying to shush him. Oliver was just sipping on hot chocolate. She walked up to the table, pulled out a chair, and then slammed her hands on said table.

“I have some news so you all better just shut up and listen.”

“It's 'y'all'.” Danny said in response.

“Shut up Danny.” Grace smacked his shoulder and rolled her eyes.

“Guys,” Deb started. “Alice is moving in with her Dad because her Mom was super homophobic and her Dad was getting worried so she's moving to town, and I am so excited. But, that means that she has to meet all of you, and that all of you are probably going to be meeting her dad. So,” Deb paused. “We need to start behaving like a well-respected group of teenagers, because otherwise her Dad is going to think that we're a bunch of degenerates, and that cannot happen.”

“But we are degenerates.” Danny said. “Except for Oliver.”

“Well then we are all just going to have to act like Oliver.” Deb said, sitting down.

Oliver raised his hand. “Um, since I'm new here, who is Alice?”

“Alice is Deb girlfriend.” Danny answered, wrapping his arm around Oliver's shoulders. “There, like, super in love, and are gonna get married and have a dozen children.”

“Shut up, Danny.”

“That's exactly what you want, Deb.”

Deb rolled her eyes. “Look, I just want him to like me.”

“You want a guy to like you? That's a first.” Grace smirked at her, and rolled her eyes when Deb glared. “Look, just don't be rude or get high before meeting him.”

“Yeah, don't introduce yourself as, like, the guy whose doing his daughter.” Danny said.”

Deb smacked him again.

Meanwhile, at the actual counter at Beanies, Henry Hidgens had entered, and was waiting in the line. He was marvelling at how much the coffee shop had changed, because he hadn't been there in a little under ten years. The walls where green instead of yellow, for example. The glass was clean, instead having the usual watermarks from the rain. The group of teenagers in the corner were less rowdy then any teenagers he remembered. There where six new flavors of muffin.

Despite these changes, it still hurt his heart to not see Chad working the counter, or Stew working the machines.

Luckily, his favourite student, Emma Perkins, was there, and she gave him a huge smile, and even waved when she saw him. He smiled back. When he got to the front of the line, she smiled at him again.

“Hey Professor!”

“Hello Emma. How are you?”

“I'm good, I'm good. Kind of a slow day. So, what would you like to order?”

“I will have a...black coffee frappuccino.” He didn't know what a frappuccino was, but he did hear some of his students using the word.

Emma looked quite confused. “I don't think that exists, Professor.”

Henry looked at the floor in frustration. “Fuck.”

Emma laughed slightly. “Do you want a black coffee?”

“Yes please.”

As Henry waited for his black coffee, Paul Matthews entered the shop! He just wanted to get away from the fucking office. Speaking of the fucking office, today had been terrible. Melissa got in a fight with her brother, and was being crabby. Ted was either sexually frustrated or actually frustrated, and for the life of him Paul could not figure what which one it was. Bill was super excited and super nervous about Alice moving in, and the combination of these two emotions cause him to break a printer. He had walked in on Mr Davidson watching pornography while on the phone with his wife.

But the worst of it was Charlotte. Or rather, Charlotte's husband.

Charlotte was honestly, one of the most beloved people at the office. And, it was no secret that everyone hated Sam with a rage that was usually reserved for the sun. But, the only way that anyone could see the effects of Charlotte's marriage was her nerves. Not today, though. Today, Charlotte was crying. Like, sobbing, smearing mascara, almost on the verge of hyperventilating crying.

So, Bill got her some water, Ted flipped out and threatened to murder Sam, Melissa silently raged, cleaned up the mascara, and hugged her. Mr Davidson sort of just stood there, awkwardly. Paul himself gave her a hug. They all asked if she needed a place to stay. When she said no, they all looked at each other with worry.

So, you could understand the kind of day they where having at office. And why Paul was going to buy Charlotte a muffin.

Anyways, so Paul was waiting in line and staring at the barista and it was all very romantic, even though Paul only knew her first name. At one point, she smiled at him and his entire body felt like jelly.

He finally got to the counter, and ordered a black coffee. She asked what size. He said large. She smiled at him again, and Paul pretty much swooned. Real gripping stuff.

While Emma got Paul his coffee, he smiled with an unusual amount of softness for someone so nervous. Then he heard her yelp. When Emma came back out, she looked frustrated.

“Are you alright?” He asked, after he convinced his mouth to start moving.

She smiled at him-for a third time!-and just signed. “Yeah, sorry, my coworkers just keep on thinking that the back where we make the coffee is just the best place to make out.” She shrugged. “It's stupid.”

“Oh, no, I totally get it! My boss calls his wife and watches porn, like, every lunch break.”

Emma laughed, before looking at Paul curiously. “What's your name? I see you in here all the time.”

“Oh, um, it's Paul.” He gave her finger guns.

“Hi Paul. I'm Emma.”

“Hi Emma.” He just grinned at her, and she grinned back. Then, he remembered her tip. “Oh, here's your tip.”

“Thanks-Woo! Twenty dollars! Holy shit thats sweet!” She was practically glowing. “Um, you meant this just for me, right?”

“Oh yeah, I don't give a shit about any of them.”

“Well then, thanks Paul.” Emma gave him the biggest smile yet, and squeezed his arm. “I think your my new favourite customer.”

“Happy to be your favourite.”

Paul left smiling. Today was a good day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul is at the office, Deb gets ready for dinner, Hidgens and Emma talk, and Melissa rants to her brother. 
> 
> Also, the author uses excessive ellipsis's.

Paul was walking back to the office, realized that he forgot Charlotte's muffin, went back to the coffee shop, bought Charlotte her muffin, got laughed at by Emma (In the nicest way possible), and _then_ went back to the office.

“Hey Paul.” Ted said, ambushing him in the hallway.

“Hey Ted how are you.” Paul said, awkwardly frozen. His question didn't sound like a question.

“Good, good, good. So you went to Beanies?”

“Yeah but I didn't get you anything.”

“That's fine, fine...did you see the latte hottay?”

“No, not today. I think she's sick. Anythings, I have to go print things, bye Ted.” Paul scurried away.

He gave Charlotte her muffin (and asked if she needed to stay the night, which she declined), and sat down in his cubicle.

“So Paul, do you think I should be a threatening dad or a cool dad?” Bill asked. “I was thinking threatening, because I already know Deb and I know that she's rough around the edges, and I want to make sure that she knows that she can't hurt my daughter, but I also want Alice to feel like she can come to me with problems, and I don't think that's gonna happen if I just come out with the 'scary father with a gun' act right out of the gate, so what do you think I should do?”

Paul blinked. “That sounds like a personal problem.”

“Paul, please. I just got my daughter back, I can't lose her again.”

“Then, you should probably just...be nice, but firm.”

“Nice but firm.” Bill nodded. “Nice but firm...I can do that. Thanks Paul.”

“Yeah, no problem.” And with that, Paul went back to typing.

***

“Literally all of my clothes make me look like a stoner _how is this possible_?” Deb groaned, as her friends sat on her bed and stared at her.

“I mean...you are a stoner.” Danny shrugged, an arm around a slightly tense looking Oliver. “Might as well show your true colours.”

“Shut up Danny. Deb, just wear your yellow shirt tucked into a nice pair of non-ripped jeans, then, like, a cardigan or something. Put your hair up in a bun, and viola, you look put together.” Grace said, briefly looking up from her phone.

“Okay, okay, yeah, put together, I can do put together.”

“And if he doesn't like you, then fuck'em.”

“No.” Deb whined, scrubbing at her face in frustration. “Alice loves her dad, and she's gonna be crushed if he doesn't like me.”

Danny laughed. “Maybe you should smoke a joint before going.”

Grace hit him, Danny hit her back, Oliver went to the bathroom, and Deb prayed that the floor would eat her.

***

“Hey Professor, it's me-where the fuck is everyone?” Emma asked, looking around the room to see that she was the only student. Hidgens looked up from the papers he was marking.

“Hello Emma. It appears that the dean accidentally told everyone that class was canceled today.” Hidgens smiled at her. “Thank you for showing up though.”

“Yeah, no problem. That sucks though, I'm sorry.” She sat on his desk. “So, what was the lesson for today?”

“Oh, we where going to be learning about abnormalities and mutations in coniferous trees, but since no ones here, that will be for tomorrow's lesson, so you can go home.”

“Eh, I'd rather stay here for a while. The elevator's broken again, so I'd rather avoid the stairs.” Emma smiled at him. “So, meet anyone recently?”

Hidgens chuckled. “This might come as a shock to you, Emma, but I haven't exactly dated in a while.”

“Why not? You look good for your age.”

“Thank you for the flattery, but I haven't been in a relationship since the eighties.”

“Really? Why?”

Hidgens stayed very still, and Emma got worried, wondering if she struck a nerve. She watched as he sat up straight, and put down the papers.

“Back in 86', I had a group of friends. We called ourselves the Working Boys.” He did slight jazz hands. “They where the best friends I've ever had. And I was in love with one-his name was Chad. He was gorgeous, and I couldn't see a future without him.” He paused, running a hand through his hair. Emma could see tears in his eyes, and frowned.

“Professor, you don't have-”

“It's fine Emma. It was over thirty years ago.” He took a shaky breath in. “One night, I had the flu, so I was to sick to go out. They where driving home from a restaurant, when an eighteen wheeler hit them. They where killed on impact.”

The room seemed to stand still. Hidgens gulped again, trying not to think about how the police came knocking on the door, how he had to come in and identify the bodies. How he barely left his room for months afterwards. The loneliness.

“...Professor, I'm so sorry. If I'd know.” Emma sighed, and rubbed his shoulder. “I'm sorry.”

Hidgens gave her a sad smile, and wiped his eyes. “It's fine Emma.” He put his had on hers. “I just...haven't really thought about dating since then.”

“My sister died last year.” Emma said, squeezing his hand. “I know that that doesn't really compare, but I get it.”

“Oh, dear, I know you do.” Hidgens squeezed her hand back. “Thank you. And I'm sorry about your sister.”

They smiled at each other, and just sat in silence. There was nothing to say.

***

“He's an asshole, and she deserves so much better.”

“I know Melissa.”

“She came in crying, Ollie. Crying! It took her ten minutes to calm down. She wouldn't tell us what happened, and she said that she didn't need to stay the night, but I can tell that she was lying. I just, I wish I could do more.” Melissa ranted, scrubbing the dishes. Oliver was next to her, drying the dishes.

“I get it.” Oliver nodded. “Maybe we could invite her for dinner?”

“That could be fun.” Melissa agreed, giving him another plate. “You could invite your friends over as well, if you want. Could make it a group thing.”

“Maybe. I think Grace likes Charlotte.”

“I think everyone likes Charlotte.” Melissa smiled, a slightly smitten look on her face.

Oliver smiled, and rolled his eyes at his sister.

***

Little did they know, Charlotte and Sam's marriage was very close to blowing up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed. leave a comment if you want to say something.
> 
> see you next time!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam gets arrested. Ted does not flirt with anyone. Bill is adjusting, sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for disappearing for so long. this chapter isnt great but sam gets karma. so

Paul was back at the coffee shop. This time, Ted was with him.

“So Paul, do you think the _Latte-Hottay _is gonna be there?”

“I don't know Ted.”

“Well I hope she is because I'm gonna ask her out.”

“Good luck Ted.”

Paul, admittedly, did not like Ted very much. Ted was loud and often rude, and he often bragged about his various sexual adventures. Paul was not fond of people who did these things, which is why he didn't hang out with Ted very often. However, on this particular day, Ted had just followed him to Beanies.

So they where waiting in line to get coffee, and Emma was at the counter singing, and everything was rather fine and dandy and perfectly normal and nothing was going to go wrong.

Then Sam (Charlotte's husband) entered the shop. He was drunk. Very drunk.

It was eight am on a Tuesday.

“Guess whose getting divorced!” Sam announced, shoving people over to get to the counter. “Hello pretty lady, I would like you to put some bourbon in my coffee.”

“We don't have alcohol-aren't you a police officer?” Is what Emma said, as she leaned away from Sam, who smelt strongly of booze.

“Yes, I am, and I have my fucking gun, so you better whatever I say.” Sam answered. This would have been more intimidating if his knees didn't give out.

Emma sighed. “I fucking hate this job.” She looked at Sam. “I'm calling the police.”

“I AM the police.”

“I could literally knock you over with my pinkie finger right now.”

“Why don't you talk to my FUCKING GUN.” Sam said, grabbing a flashlight from his holster.

Then Ted punched him in the face.

***

So Paul and Ted where escorted out of Beanies by Emma while someone called the police on Sam. Ted had to have a conversation with the police for technically assaulting someone, so it was just Emma and Paul for a bit.

Paul smiled at Emma, and nudged her. “You handled him really well.” He said, and gave Emma a thumbs up. Emma laughed.

“Yeah. I used to get in a lot of fights in elementary.”

Paul snorted. “My coworker Charlotte is married to him. He's a piece of shit.”

“I can tell. He's sleeping with one of my coworkers, whose sleeping with another one of my coworkers.” Emma paused. “Working at a coffee shop was supposed to be simple.”

Paul laughed. “That's what I said about my job. Then I caught my boss watching porn while on the phone with his wife.”

“Yeah you mentioned that.” Emma smiled at him. Paul smiled back.

***

Meanwhile, Bill was preparing for dinner with Alice and Deb.

“Remember, Dad, Deb's vegan.”

“I know honey! That's why I am making her a salad and we will have lasagna.”

“Dad.”

“It's a pasta salad, Alice!”

“Dad, she's really worried about officially meeting you. Please just be nice.” Alice said, setting the table.

“I am nice! I am being very understanding of you dating Deb, despite the fact that she's a stoner.”

“She's not a stoner! She's sweet and she's nice and she's funny, and she's not leaving my life anytime soon, so you better get used to it!” Alice yelled, and ran up the stairs.

Bill watched her leave, sighed, and continued setting the table.

***

“What do you mean he's in jail?”

“Their was an incident at Beanies and we had to call the police.” Paul winced as he heard Charlotte's worried voice. “We're at the station if you want to come. Personally, I would just leave him here.”

“He's a police officer.” Charlotte argued. “What did he do to be arrested?”

“Well, getting drunk and threatening people is a pretty arrest able offence. Probably didn't help that he did it in a coffee shop.” Paul sighed. “I'm really sorry, Char. Do you wanna come down and get him?”

There was a pause. Paul could only hear heavy breathing on the other end, and he waited in anticipation.

“You know what? Leave him there.”

“Damn right.”

Charlotte said goodbye and hung up. Ted walked up to Paul and sat down next to him.

“She dumped him?”

“She dumped him.”

“Fuck yeah.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner at Bill's!

It was dinner time at Bill's and Alice! Deb was standing on the porch with a large bouquet of daisies, Alice and still in her room upstairs, and Bill was wondering if he should start drinking wine now or wait until dinner.

It was going to go great.

Deb finally gathered up the courage to ring the doorbell, and despite Alice running down the stairs and saying that she would get it, Bill got their first.

“Deb.” He smiled, and watched as Deb visibly gulped. “Welcome to dinner. It's very nice to officially meet you.”

“It's nice to officially meet you to.” Deb said, smiling awkwardly. “I brought flowers.”

“What if I'm allergic?”

“...Are you?”

“...No.” Bill took the flowers. “I've seen you hanging out near the tracks.”

“Oh, yeah. It's just a cool place, ya know?”

“I've heard that people sell pot there.”

“Oh, well I don't know about that.” Deb said nervously, rocking on her heels. “I do really well in Woods, and would I do well in Woods if I smoked pot?”

“Everyone does well in Woods, all you have to do is show up and work hard.” Bill countered.

“Dad.” Alice hissed from behind Bill. To Deb's surprise, Bill stepped aside and Alice gave her a hug. “Hi honey.”

“Hi Allie.” Deb grinned. “You look great. I like your skirt.”

“Thanks! I got it at the store yesterday, and-”

“Okay dinner time! I hope that you like pasta salad Deb, because thats what your having.”

“Dad!”

“That sounds delicious, Mr Smith.” Deb smiled. “Alice says that your cooking's fantastic.”

“Great. Alice, me and you are having lasagna.”

“Dad, seriously.”

“What? Alice, I made her something to eat. She likes pasta salad! Who doesn't like pasta salad?”

“Dad, your being passive aggressive.”

“Alice, just because I made her a different meal then us, does not mean that I'm being passive aggressive.”

Deb cut in. “Really, Allie, it's fine. I like pasta, I like salads, and I get that your Dad's just trying to help.”

“No, he's trying to make you feel uncomfortable so that I break up with you and date Grace Chasity. Guess what Dad! I don't want to date Grace Chasity!”

“I never said that you had to date Grace Chasity! I just said that I would have preferred it if you dated someone like Grace Chasity!”

“What is your problem with Deb?! She's sweet, she's funny, she protects me and she cares about me! She loves me and I love her! Why can't you just accept that?!”

“Because she smokes pot and is rude to people Alice! I heard her call Linda Monroe an ungrateful piece of shit! She's a bad influence and I'm worried about whats going to happen if you date her.”

“Linda Monroe IS an ungrateful piece of shit! She's rude to everyone and she only cares about herself. You called her selfish and a piece of work last week!”

“That is completely different.”

“No it's not!”

“Yes it-Alice, I'm just trying to keep you safe.”

“Well you do a really shit job of it. You know, when you and Mom got divorced, I wanted so badly to live with you. but you didn't even try to get full custody. You just gave up. You gave me up.” And with that, Alice bursted into tears and ran upstairs.

Bill watched his daughter retreat, and sighed. He then turned to Deb, who had tears in her eyes. “Look, Deb-”

“I'm gonna go.”

***

“Paul, the dinner is canceled and I am an awful father.”

“Bill, I have somewhere to be-”

“No you don't! The only plans that you have are sitting at Beanies and watching that barista that you like but never talk to.”

“See, Bill, that's the thing. I did talk to her. And I think that she might like me!”

“My relationship with my daughter is crumbling, and you're thinking about the barista girl?!”

Paul sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. He knew that Bill was upset. And he cared, he really did! But he was also useless at comforting people, and he didn't know why Bill called him of all people.

“Okay, man, I'm listening.”

“I just don't trust Deb, you know? I've seen her with that Lex girl, and their so rude and their always smoking together, and I don't want that around Alice! But Alice insists on dating Deb, and I can't say no, because then I look like the bad guy!”

“Lex isn't a bad kid though. She takes care of her sister, and she has a job that she's decent at. Sure, she's rude, but her Mom's also useless, so that's probably stress more then anything.”

“She smokes pot, Paul!”

“Lots of people smoke pot.”

“Whose side are you on, Paul?!”

“Look, I'm sorry man. I don't know why you called me, I'm awful at this stuff.”

“Paul your my best friend. Of course I called you.” Paul could hear Bill signing. “I should apologize, right?”

“Probably.”

“But I'm her dad! I'm supposed to look out for her!”

“Can you look out for her if your pushing her away?” Paul asked.

There was a long silence.

“Paul you brilliant bastard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating for a while. i hope that you guys enjoyed the chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> until next time. please comment i like validation.


End file.
